Do you know how you communicate when you want or need attention, reassurance, affection or emotional support? What a good place to look…Many of us did not learn the correct way to ask for what we need or we were somehow punished for asking for a little more love, affection or attention. This is the reason why we have learned to act as if everything is always alright, to pretend that we have everything under control, that we are fine without it, or feel embarrassed or selfish for wanting it. This may cause us not to ask out of fear of being rejected. So what ends up happening is that when we are in a relationship (not just romantic, it happens with friends, family, business partners), we tend to have the expectation that our partner needs to be able to read our minds and if not, we make scenes, we act out, we push and reject them. For what? So that they feel the rejection that we are feeling, that they feel guilty and we manipulate them so that they are the ones who have to work harder to make us feel loved and reassured. This can end up causing great insecurities and uncertainty in both partners.
If we want different results, we need to learn to be brave and vulnerable to ask for what we want in a kind and loving way. Say to your partner, “Do you think you can hug me? I want to feel close to you right now”is much more effective than ignoring them because they did not know that what you wanted was a simple hug. If we want to feel true intimacy, we need to let go of these old patterns and ways of being learned (most unconsciously), which never really worked. Learn to communicate what you really feel so that your partner understands what you need and sees what are the ways to support and love you. Relationships flourish through healthy communication, respect, vulnerability, and mutual appreciation.
#bethemountain